Rain in Autumn

This Sunday, I was encouraged and inspired to dream again and reach out for hope.  I am desperate for an in-breaking of light in the midst of the darkness that Paul and I have been stumbling through.

Thank you Lord for knowing me.  Thank you Lord for seeing my tears.  Thank you Lord for loving me.  Thank you Lord for saving me.  Thank you Lord for pouring down your healing rain to soften my dry heart.

(click on picture for link to podcast)

Thank You

Thank you to all veterans who have fought and served this country for my freedom.

New Obsession

I have a new love!  A website that I visit regularly to look but not buy... (Lord, please bring a job to Paul!!!!!!)

ModCloth.  It is like Anthropology light - light as in not as expensive.  Whimsy, unique and pretty are words that come to mind.  Also fun home accessories.

Poor Luke

Luke has terrible teeth.  They are very week and he gets tons of cavities.  I mean tons!  Please don't judge me too harshly and you can with hold you're a bad mom comments for another blog.

Are you ready... he has 13 cavities and he is 3 years old.  Some of them are very tiny and don't need to be drilled, two are going to need root canals or be pulled.  We went in for his regular cleaning and walked out with 13 cavities!

Obvious question: Do you brush his teeth?  YES!  Every morning and every night.  (FYI - his sister only had 1 cavity this last appointment).

So bad our dentist sent us to a specialist.  The bad mom who doesn't take care of your kids specialist.  It's like you walk in and everyone behind the desk gives you that look.  "Here comes another another crappy mom that gives her kid coke in his sippy cup and a snickers bar at bed time.  Get the silver tooth caps ready."  I love being this mom.   I'm sure my name is already flagged for a CPS call because we are not getting the H1N1 shots (that's a whole other post!). 

They are going to have to sedate Luke to take care of these 13 cavities.  But they can do everything at one time.  I am flabbergasted (yes, flabbergasted, I said it) as to how he could have so many cavities in such a short time between his cleanings.  This is just plain crazy!

How About Orange

Not only is orange my favorite color - it is now my favorite blog.
How About Orange
Is the perfect mix of crafts, art, photography, decorating...

If you like these things it's a great one stop shop.

LOVE!

One More Thing

I want to completely redecorate my house. I am over the leather couches, starbucks moody paint, and black accents. I am so inspired by everything I see vintage. I want old glass bottles, suitcases, ornament picture frames, worn distressed furniture, an old globe. I want to go to garage sales and find things and hunt around in thrift stores.

 

  

 

What To Do?

Paul is a laid off teacher.  One of the 1000 or so in Kern County, CA that were laid off due to state budget cuts.  I  know that we are not alone in this time and many people in many different industries have found themselves with out a job.  Thankfully, a friend helped to get Paul a job at a used car lot.  Don't get me wrong, we are thankful for the opportunity but just a couple of issues:

1. Commission Only - with the state of our current economy the auto industry is not exactly booming.
2. Paul was made to teach - This is his destiny and purpose.  No question of what his calling is or what he is suppose it do (only a question of why isn't it happening! That's a whole other set of questions, rants and tears).
3. Then all the other issues that may seem trite but are issues none the less - super long hours, working every weekend, no insurance, holidays or vacations.

All that to say... Paul has not been hired at another teaching position and I don't know what to do.  I work at our church as the Admin to our Sr. Pastor (translation, I don't make a lot of money).  At times this has been the best and worst job I have ever had.  I have never doubted myself more or have been hurt more by a job.  I have also have intense times of love and support.  I have been told this is part of ministry - I'm not so sure about all of that (once again, working in ministry is another whole set of questions, rants and tears).

I work with some of the best people that I love dearly.  I think that maybe part of this issue - my heart and emotions are so involved.  I wonder if I am at the point of exhaustion.  Too many downs and too many ups.  To complicate matters, the last 4 years I have worked for the church, have been some of roughest I have ever been through; my marriage and all aspects of my personal life have been turned upside down more times than I can count.

At what point do I throw-in the towel?  I have a the ability to make a lot more money that could change our financial situation drastically (I hope that doesn't sound egotistical).  Is now the time to leave?  Is it time to move on?  Is money the best reason to go?  Am I not trusting God to provide for us a job for Paul?  Is God leading me to something new?  Do we stay in Bakersfield?  Do I look for a job outside of Bakersfield?  Do we move the whole family for my job and hope there is a teaching job?  Do we stay put and wait?  I would love an answer to just one of these questions.