Monday, August 31, 2009

What To Do?

Paul is a laid off teacher.  One of the 1000 or so in Kern County, CA that were laid off due to state budget cuts.  I  know that we are not alone in this time and many people in many different industries have found themselves with out a job.  Thankfully, a friend helped to get Paul a job at a used car lot.  Don't get me wrong, we are thankful for the opportunity but just a couple of issues:

  1. Commission Only - with the state of our current economy the auto industry is not exactly booming.
  2. Paul was made to teach - This is his destiny and purpose.  No question of what his calling is or what he is suppose it do (only a question of why isn't it happening! That's a whole other set of questions, rants and tears).
  3. Then all the other issues that may seem trite but are issues none the less - super long hours, working every weekend, no insurance, holidays or vacations.
All that to say... Paul has not been hired at another teaching position and I don't know what to do.  I work at our church as the Admin to our Sr. Pastor (translation, I don't make a lot of money).  At times this has been the best and worst job I have ever had.  I have never doubted myself more or have been hurt more by a job.  I have also have intense times of love and support.  I have been told this is part of ministry - I'm not so sure about all of that (once again, working in ministry is another whole set of questions, rants and tears).

I work with some of the best people that I love dearly.  I think that maybe part of this issue - my heart and emotions are so involved.  I wonder if I am at the point of exhaustion.  Too many downs and too many ups.  To complicate matters, the last 4 years I have worked for the church, have been some of roughest I have ever been through; my marriage and all aspects of my personal life have been turned upside down more times than I can count.

At what point do I throw-in the towel?  I have a the ability to make a lot more money that could change our financial situation drastically (I hope that doesn't sound egotistical).  Is now the time to leave?  Is it time to move on?  Is money the best reason to go?  Am I not trusting God to provide for us a job for Paul?  Is God leading me to something new?  Do we stay in Bakersfield?  Do I look for a job outside of Bakersfield?  Do we move the whole family for my job and hope there is a teaching job?  Do we stay put and wait?  I would love an answer to just one of these questions.


Missy said...

I wish I could answer any of these...
I will say that my motto tends to be, everything happens for a reason. All I ever really know for certain is that I'm not in control. And for the record, I think after some time the answers will become clear to you. Best of luck for you and your family :)