Rough Day

Today has been a rough day for me. My dad came for a visit with my brother (J) and sister (K) on Sunday and Monday. My youngest siblings are 4 year old twins. My dad is raising these kiddos by himself, a single dad. (That's a whole other post...)

I had less than a stellar childhood. It was rough at my house growing up. My dad and I have barely been on speaking terms since I was 19 years old. So here it is 11 years later and still trying to figure out how I can relate to him in a way that is healthy for me and my family. I don't know how to do this. Every time I see him it sends me into an emotional tailspin. I put unrealistic expectations on him. No matter how much I don't want to admit it, when I'm with him there is a part of me that is just a little girl that wants her daddy to love her. Then the other part of me wants to kick him in his privates and run away because I know he couldn't catch me!

So, since I'm getting so healthy on the outside, I figured it's time to do some major work on the inside. I'm starting counseling and going through some inner healing. It's going to be hard but I know the timing is right and it's something I need to do to move forward.