Friday, June 13, 2008

Lakeland Florida part 1

I typed this on the way to Lakeland, FL. But have only been able to post it till now...

Ok friends, I am on my way to Lakeland, FL to the Outpourings. Actually, I am on the plane to Denver then onto Florida. I want to blog about what is happening there, what I am feeling, testimonies, etc…

I am a bag of mixed emotions.
I am tired – I got up at 3:30 this morning to make my flight and I couldn’t sleep.
I am excited – I’m going on this trip with an amazing group of women. They are all people I admire, love and respect. God is doing amazing things in Lakeland and if nothing else, I get to be a witness.
I am nervous – Todd Bentley is a crazy man. He is a radical follower of Christ and I am going to be part of the craziness. I’m also nervous that nothing is going to happen. Not that I’m asking Todd or God to perform for me. I’m worried that nothing is going to happen because I am worried about getting in the way.

I’m not coming at this with a pauper mentality that because I enter the building that God stops what he is doing. What I am worried about that I will get in the way of what God is doing with me. I will get so caught-up with offense over a crazy lady dancing next to me that I miss what God is doing all around me. I know me and when I am uncomfortable in a situation, I will focus on some small trite happening and my focus will stay there because it is safe and I can exercise some control over it.

People being raised from the dead, blind people seeing, limbs growing back, getting up out of wheelchairs – those things are off my grid. They don’t fit comfortably in my little God box. All these things are happening – with medical conformations! The funny thing is I want to see all this stuff, I want to be a part of it and I am contending for these miracles in Bakersfield, CA. So why does going to Lakeland, FL and seeing it really happen make me nervous?

I do have an answer… I think if I see it, if I am a part of it (even being in the same room) then I can’t act like it doesn’t happen. When I see the person hurting in the grocery store, how can I, being a believer whose two greatest commandments are to love God and love my neighbor walk by that hurting person and say “not for them”. What kind of love is that? How can I justify leaving my kids and husband for 4 days, flying across the country just to see some cool stuff and not let it change my life forever?!? That is really why I am nervous. Am I ready to change my life forever? I hope so – otherwise, it is going to be a long weekend.